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…and bring a snake.
“You brought some crazy stuff, ” said Mac Hauser, referring to the wardrobe I brought for our photo shoot. Crazy? Wow. I’d done it. Mac Hauser, the iconic portrait photographer who absolutely embraces the freaky, was calling my suitcase full of stuff, “crazy”!? This, coming from a man who four hours before our scheduled photo shoot, emailed to…
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Something smells fishy
No, I wasn’t high. So what if I bought a four foot long stuffed Marlin pillow? It really did look cool on the web site, but when I took it out of the box, well here’s what happened: It was around 7:30 pm when the doorbell rang. “Don’t answer the door, it’s probably Jehovah’s Witnesses,’ I yelled.…
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Bridezilla
If you’re planning to exchange vows this year, don’t pull a Kardashian. In the real world, with our empty piggy banks and flabby bellies, a wedding can be a daunting prospect. When I got married eight years ago, I was broke and out of shape (still am) My fiancé and I made our A-List of guests,…
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My Snowy White Valentine
While snowy white storms have merely dusted Chicago this winter, that hasn’t kept the sky clear of Snowy Owls. The majestic birds caused a mama mia stir when they made Montrose Harbor a new pit stop in Illinois. Typically, Snowys stay to the north, but the a lack of food up there has sent them farther south…
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Masternation
Today Moni, lead singer for Masternation came over to conduct a business meeting with my hubby. I’ve been dealing with a massive anxiety attack which she helped subside. First of all, she brought me a sandwich. Never underestimate the power of a good sandwich. Then, she sang her latest song (soon to be released on wood…
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Clean up your junk
The guys were actually kind of on to something with their locker room jokes. I could tell by the escalated laughter resounding from the boys in the corner, that conversation had turned to the gutter. I decided to cross over the fence of ladies and move to the male side of the party. Who doesn’t love a…
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What a croc of
I wonder about some people’s fashion choices. The capital offense, Croc shoes. I’ve noticed that even celebraties embrace their right to parade around in the whimsical clogs. Take top chef Mario Batali, a man who could have diamonds on the soles of his shoes. To my dismay, he favors sporting Crocs, the fruit colored foot gear. Maybe…
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Let me take you on a magic mustache ride
The fake mustache trend showed up on the runway in 2008. Who would have thought that four years later, the accessory would still tickle both our fancy and our upper lip? My girlfriends and I got together last weekend for an annual pillow fight. Once in a blue moon, we kick our husbands, kids, and…
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Bro-tox
I drink a lot of water, and it’s not because I think it’s refreshing. Water is about as close to the fountain of youth as I’m going to get. I take care of my skin and regularly bury my face in a wet towel, that I steam in the spaghetti stained microwave. (Great for a hangover!) I…
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The New Year year won’t hurt a bit
This year, I resolve to stop fucking with people, not to fall asleep in public, and to be a lady. (Deep Breath) This will require that I stop yelling to my favorite bartender, “Hey, fat black man, bring me another!” (He actually enjoys this. His name is Anthony, and everyone tells him he looks like the fat black…