I drink a lot of water, and it’s not because I think it’s refreshing. Water is about as close to the fountain of youth as I’m going to get. I take care of my skin and regularly bury my face in a wet towel, that I steam in the spaghetti stained microwave. (Great for a hangover!) I realize that I’m not a teenager anymore and that my Irish skin doesn’t love the sun, but still I wasn’t prepared for a question that I was recently asked during a dinner party. A male friend inquired, “Have you thought about Botox?”
I dropped my fork and wondered if he had thought about a toupee, except all his hair was intact. Well, he must have been hitting the sauce because not ten minutes earlier, I’d been having a make-out session with myself in the bathroom mirror. I cleaned up nice for the party. I had enough Maybelline instant age rewind eraser on my face to fill in the cracks. I felt like going to the Jewel to buy some booze, just so I would get carded. Heck, they card my Grandma at that store.
“Funny, you should ask, but no I haven’t thought of getting Botox (next subject please),” was my response. There were plenty of other people at the dinner table. Why was I getting picked on?
My friend was looking very close at my face. He was like a Dermatologist, holding a magnifying glass, concerned about his aging dinner guest. Was this an ultimatum … you’ll get Botox and like it, or no wine for you! Was he about to extract a big mad scientist doctor-bag?
“You look good, but there are lines on your forehead and around your mouth. Don’t you want them to go away? You see, I have this friend who makes house calls, so I was thinking that I would invite you to a little Botox house party, ” he said.
Wow, I’ll bring the Bacardi to that blow out.
Yes, I was appalled. Had he not seen the same Tyra Banks show that I saw? The one were a bunch of women had their butts injected with some crap that was supposed to give them a great booty, but instead it sent them to the hospital. They had been injected with cement! I thought of my face … it has character. I don’t want to look pulled and stretched like silly putty.
I never thought a man would be so frank. Most of the time when a lady asks a guy a question like, “Does this make me look fat?” The man isn’t paying very much attention. If someone were to ever tell me I was not aging gracefully, I would have thought it would have been me. That little voice in my head that is usually too critical.
As it turns out, Botox is on the rise among men. It was a popular “gift” during the holiday season. ABC News reports that more than 300,000 men got Botox last year, that’s a 10 percent increase from last year. Getting shot-up isn’t just for celebrities or trophy wives. Since 2000, 45 percent more men are opting to get plastic surgery, too.
I never thought that men would creep into the female vanity circle. Go away puffy eyes and flabby belly. I want to eat my cake and get laid too. Apparently, working out and diet is too pedestrian.
After doing my research, I realized that my friend just wanted a partner in crime. I warned him never to bring up the subject again and told him to go to a real doctor if this was his choice.
I was like, “A bro-tox party is kind of ghetto. If you can afford a BMW, you can see a professional.”
Hello, don’t you watch Tyra Banks?