Clean up your junk

The guys were actually kind of on to something with their locker room jokes. I could tell by the escalated laughter resounding from the boys in the corner, that conversation had turned to the gutter. I decided to cross over the fence of ladies and move to the male side of the party. Who doesn’t love a little dirty talk?

It all started with my husbands bushy beard. A male friend was combing his fingers through the nest and remarking about the soft bristles.This lead to a laundry list of wishes that female fuzz was equally as pet-able. A suggestion was made that the ladies grow out their landing strips and groom their shag rugs Bo Derek style, corn roll braids with little beads on the ends. My husband suggested that eventually, when the braids were long enough, they could be cut off and made into friendship bracelets. I believe the men were drinking whiskey.

A little mishegas might help your shikse.

I for one wasn’t laughing. Instead, I briefly drifted away from the party. I couldn’t help putting on my thinking cap and ponder, “Do people really decorate their downstairs garden?” I’ll admit that I’m a little freaky about wearing socks that match my outfit, but it seems outlandish to worry so much about the carpet getting steam cleaned and accessorized. So, I decided to do a little research and I suppose I shouldn’t act like an old prude, but I was surprised.

I’m now informed about the Merkin. As cited from Wikipedia, ” Merkin (first use 1617)[1] is a pubic wig. Merkins were originally worn by prostitutes after shaving their genitalia, and are now used as decorative items, erotic devices, or in films, by both men and women.”

Apparently, I’ve been living under a rock because even Joan Rivers, whose older than paved sidewalks recently was printed as saying, “Merkins are so last year!” Her sock drawer must be full of whatever it is that is in the now. (Yeah. Think about that … think about what’s in Joan Rivers’ sock drawer if you want to stay up nights.) Then again, why buy a toupee, when you can get a transplant and a face that looks like a Halloween mask.

Cindy Barshop, former Real Housewives of New York Star and owner of the spa chain, Completely Bare, would argue that the Merkins she designs are a big deal. Her original “Foxy Bikini” ($225) made out of real fur has been redesigned with faux fur. How thoughtful of Barshop to be so politically correct! I do declare this the perfect gift for the girlfriend working at Peta. Or, if fur isn’t your thing, try the popular Carnivale Bikini. For a mere $195, you can adhere a strip of neon colored feathers to the private sector of your body.

Seriously, I’m all about fun, but I’d just rather get some cute new shoes, maybe even see the Muppet Movie! … still, I can’t help but think about those Merkins and how I’m so last year.