Sometimes I wish that I could kill someone just by blinking my eyes. Tonight, while riding the Blue Line, I would have destroyed the couple who stared at me, made out like sluts, and engaged in stupid conversation. I normally have a little fun eavesdropping, but not on this!

The girl was overly dressed Urban Outfitters style with thick ugly glasses. She was making a fabulous effort to look, poor Art School. Her boyfriend was barley visible behind his facial hair and this is what they talked about: his grody to the max, homeless-man-style beard.

“You’re so cute,” said the girl, fingering his beard.

[kiss, kiss, hugs and groping]

“I love your beard,” said the girl.

[love look into eyes, hearts are everywhere]

“It’s just so cool. I’m so glad you have a beard now,” said the girl.

“So, do you want to order Chinese?” asked the guy.

“I don’t know,” says starry eyed girl. You are awesome.” [more beard petting]

At this moment, I blinked my eyes at them, KABOOM! First, the dudes facial hair was scalped, then the two of them had a long torturous death by being forced into skinny jeans that are too small and then eating until explosion.